Remember Rebekah

The last time that I decided to write like this: I was in college.  Feels like it was so long ago...people have always said to me how much they enjoy reading things that I have to say...so...I guess here it goes.  I had debated blogging again because I didnt know what to say...I didnt know if anybody would want to read it and I wasnt sure if there was anything that I wanted to share but the thing about me is that I am a control freak.  Yep...there I said it.  I like to have plans...I like to know how, when, why and where things are going to happen and if they dont happen in the way that I want them to, then well....I will make them happen in the way that I want them to.  So this is a "no plan" blog...oh boy....  It seems like so long ago when I got saved, but in truth it wasnt.  I was saved on Sept 12, 2008...so about 2 1/2 years ago...but the story of my salvation is for another day.  I was listening to a teaching by my old pastor back in CA Zach Vestneys on Genesis 27 and while I have heard this story before...for the first time I realized something: I am a lot more like Rebekah than I ever realized.  She was beautiful, smart, hard working, intelligent, faithful, loyal, comforting and she was also a control freak, a doubter and a woman who had anxiety issues. She panicked when it looked like things wouldnt go her way even when God had already told her that they would.  She did what we all do too often as believers...she believes that God will do what He said but the how is where we start to doubt and when the "how" seems impossible, we take matters into our own hands.  It is so easy for me to read this story and say wow Rebekah...how could you do that?? God was going to do what he said.  And then only to realize the only reason I can say that is because I have the entire bible to look at...story after story of Gods faithfulness and how he never breaks a promise and Rebekah didnt have a bible but she heard directly from God.  Then I was so convicted...God has shown himself faithful and strong so many times in my life and even with my Bible...I still doubt and question and face the temptation to take matters into my own hands and help God out and say...well God...since you promised to do this, let me make sure it happens just so you wont be wrong.  In this story, I see the heart of Rebekah...what she did was motivated by love...she was not a bad person, she was a great person but she was human.  She was flawed and she made mistakes.  Her mistakes cost her both her sons tragically.  As I read this story, I couldnt help but look at my own life and as I read this story it was like looking in a mirror and there was a great hope and a great sadness in my heart.  On the one hand, when I look at myself, I can NOW say I see a beautiful, smart, motivated person who has goals and knows what she wants and wants to serve the Lord and there is great hope in that and on the other side, I see a flesh that is so tempted to make sure that things go the way I want them to no matter what.  Its not about whether or not I heard from God because I have only heard from God from my own discernment once in my life...its about following Him whether I audibly hear him or not.   As I read this chapter and meditated on it, I felt one impression on my heart, "Remember Rebekah."  Remember how the servant found her and why he chose her, remember how she was comforting, remember that she was a wife and a mother and remember her mistakes and remember why she made them. To see myself in this woman is not to idolize her but to see that even in this, God was still merciful and gracious and even with the mistakes...Jacob was still named Israel and from that line came the love of my life: Jesus Christ which is miraculous and that is just the beginning of this amazing story of salvation.  I am learning so much about the Lord but if I had to sum up my lesson today it would be this: "If you want GOD'S blessings, then you have to do it GOD'S way."  Remember Rebekah...